Way Past 90 - and straight into the Holiday Season.

It has been a long time since I have posted. And the holiday season is breathing down my neck. I can feel the jingled covered heat upon my scarf covered throat.

And still I have the goal. To get to a MU.

Time. I am not sure how long it is going to take. Thoughts. Well. I still need, I feel, to lean-out.

It is super tricky around this season. There is so much available that is NOT optimal to put in my body. Things that I feel I "deserve" - there is SO much marketing around crap. I need to develop tactics - to not feel deprived. This can be tricky.

I tired to start a blog where I was taking a picture of everything I ate. This doesn't scale.

A lot of what I post here is about food etc.

But, there is a lot of mental stuff. Always going on. Bad self talk. A feeling of a lack of hope. It is hard to acknowledge what I have accomplished. And it is hard to feel like I have made strides - and that I am not back-sliding. All of this is a constant battle.

Changing patterns is hard. But, when you see a better way. It is worth pursuing.

Day 98.

So I am having coffee. This is my 2nd coffee since giving it up for 28 days. YEP! TWENTY EIGHT DAYS.

It is amazing. I love it. I love how it makes me feel. It is amazing how sensitive I am to the caffeine again.

I am having a Tall Americano with a TBS of Coconut Milk. I really want Heavy Whipping Cream --- SO DELICIOUS. But, I am holding off on that for a bit.

I will try not to do coffee everyday. But, man, it provides me joy.

Oh AND I got said coffee at 620am and now it is 9am and I am still drinking it. Rock.

I need to make my blog prettier.

Don't I? Who wants to help me?

Day 95.

Sorry guys. I missed day 90.

As I explained though. This is no longer the 90 Day challenge this is a challenge until I get it - until it happens.

Days are good and days are bad. Today day 95. This is one of my not so awesome days. Again I just wish leaning out were not such a struggle. IT. IS. HARD. And I have been eating SQUEAKY clean. I think leaning would help get me to where I want to go. And I have gone down in weight, but now there seems to be a stall. Again. And I can't point the blame finger at myself for this one. I have been off everything. SO. I will cross my fingers. And buck up. I can't beat myself up. And I can't change what is a fact. So I need to accept it. Move on. And hope.

NEW VIDEO: Day 32

Day 32. from Jordan Holland on Vimeo.

Day 89. Day 20.

Tomorrow. Day 90. Whoa.

Well. It has been quite the journey. I have learned a lot. I have made some great progress. I have figured out how some food effect me - and now I have to figure out the choices I need to make with that information in hand.

Here is the thing though. Challenge. Not done.

New date. NOVEMBER. Seriously.

So. If it is the end of November this will be my 180 day challenge. What are the rules? Not sure yet. Will keep you posted :)

Day 81. Day 14.

I get asked "How is the challenge going?" a lot. And the answer. Really well. Do I think I will get a Muscle-up on day 90 - no. Does this make me sad - no. Why? Because I will get a Muscle-up ... soon. And I have made so much progress. This has been a road of ups and downs. Questions and confusions. Feeling awesome. Feeling deprived. Trying to figure out my body. Trying to figure out performance. Trying to figure out nutrition. Trying to figure out stress and the psychological barriers that all play a part of this game. And the result is that I have changed. In a very real/very good way. I have been on this journey for almost 3 years ago - that is when I first REALLY started looking at food ... and now I am finally getting it. It is amazing. And I feel really good about the future.