Day 41.

Okay. It has been a hard week. New job. Unpacking. New routines. Etc. This week was full of a lot of learning at work. And a lot of non-focus at the gym. This makes me feel weak. And lame. And scared.

I want to reach my goal. I want to reach my goal.

I am afraid I won't. This was a week of feeling that fear.

I have push-ups. I climbed the rope (once) - it was cool.

I do not have a pull-up.
I do not have a dip.

I struggle with the minutia in food. I want so badly to "just lean out". But. For me. It is esp. hard. Some people are hard gainers - which is tough when they want to bulk up and be kings (or queens) of muscle. For me it is tricky to lean out. I have been doing pretty strict Paleo - I am not perfect. And I haven't been perfect with this - I have had heavy cream in my coffee. I have had a drink or two. I went crazy on fruit.

This month I have been really good with sticking to the NO FRUIT. I have looked at some raw bars. And today purchased some 85% dark chocolate (though I have had it yet).

So my bad. Isn't, like, BAD. But - it isn't perfect. Which in general I am okay with... because - I can't be perfect for a lifetime.

The couple things I DO NOT CHEAT ON are: Milk, Cheese, Processed foods, and Gluten. Hellz to the no.

SO - I am happy about that.

And I think in time. This is really going to be RAD for me.

My concern is the time-frame of this challenge.

I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to accomplish my goals. And lead the kind of lifestyle I want to lead - I am baby and big steppin' the way there - and with the way that I feel better and more energetic - there is no real "going back". There may be slips and falls, but in general I am dedicated. And I know I will get to where I want to go - it is just... will I get there by the end of this challenge?

I don't know.